Smith's Power Consulting

5 Big Mistakes You Can Easily Avoid When Deciding if the No Contact Rule Failed

August 27, 2023 Coach Smith Season 2 Episode 15
Smith's Power Consulting
5 Big Mistakes You Can Easily Avoid When Deciding if the No Contact Rule Failed
Show Notes Transcript Chapter Markers

Ever felt like the no-contact rule is failing you? This episode debunks such misconceptions. By unearthing the reasons behind why an ex might remain silent or even go as far as blocking you, I provide the clarity you seek. I delve into the psyche of an ex, addressing potential internal struggles they might be experiencing and their attempts at finding validation in alternative relationships or experiences.

Lost in the fog of your ex's new relationship? Don't fret. I am about to shine a light on the "investment trap" phenomenon that many fall into after a breakup. I examine why your ex might cling on to new relationships or experiences, even when they aren't quite hitting the spot. While time may seem like your enemy now, I assure you, it's your greatest ally in ensuring the success of the no contact rule. So buckle up as I take you on this roller coaster ride through the trenches of breakups and onto the path of understanding and personal growth.

Subscribe now to unlock powerful relationship and post-breakup recovery insights, and acquire valuable wisdom on the innovative, tactical approach to psychology that can benefit your personal growth and healing journey. To unlock the secrets to mend and reignite your relationship, get my "No Contact Guide" for FREE (valued at $30 in retail) and get answers to most of your questions about no contact:

Savva Smith:

Today we'll discuss five common scenarios where individuals mistakenly believe the no-contact rule has failed, only to realize that it's simply paving a different path to healing. You see, it's natural to question if things went the way they should. If you're second guessing whether no contact did any good, let's delve into it, understand what you're feeling and find a way to ease that burden. You do not deserve this heartbreak and anxiety. My aim is to alleviate any worry you might have by providing a valuable, time-tested insights I've gathered throughout my journey as a coach. So here are five most common scenarios you might encounter during no-contact. First, your ex remains silent. If that's the case, it is normal. There are countless parameters that affect your ex's behavior during no-contact. They might be silent because they're simply having a good time, but we all know that life isn't that simple, which is why they usually reach out when their bright days turn into dark ones. It might also be that they're at a stage of no-contact when exes are typically silent. For example, if they're in stage one, they typically experience relief and have no reason to reach out to you. Therefore, for them to start thinking about you again and to finally decide to reach out, we just need to give it a bit more time. Second, your ex has been silent for a long time and or blocked you. Okay, if they've been silent for a long time, the situation is slightly different. However, I'm not saying it's more complex, just different. Maybe. If they've been silent for many months, it indicates they are either extremely stubborn or they are in a rebound relationship, and I've never encountered a case where a rebound evolved into a serious long-term relationship. And I'm speaking from the experience of having observed as of 2023, over a thousand cases. So even in this scenario, all we need to get them thinking about you, missing you and truly feeding your absence is a bit more time. Next, you broke your no-contact once or twice. Listen, everyone does this to some extent. It doesn't prevent exes from coming back. The worst-case scenario is that there will be a delay when you break no-contact. It causes your ex to refocus on the day of your breakup. They remember all the reasons they had for living, which delays their progression through the subsequent stages of no-contact. However, this is not the end of the world. Next, you couldn't maintain no-contact and resort to begging. Most of my clients approach me after reaching this stage. I'll be frank the complexity of the situation typically exceeds the average. But it is not because begging might push your ex further away, making it seem like they will never reconsider. It's because such behavior usually indicates that the breakup deeply affected you. The pain is palpable, your days are often consumed with longing and memories and you cannot stop thinking about them. Thus, the primary concern adding to this complexity isn't about your ex, who often still contemplates reconciliation, but about you. If you do not prioritize your own well-being, you risk continually breaking your contact, jeopardizing both your mental and physical health. This is why the most crucial aspect of no contact is concentrating on your personal healing. And the last one. Your ex told you that they will never get back with you. What's then? Well, sometimes it feels like our partners, for whatever reason, want to inflict pain. As they part ways, they may utter hurtful words, testing us as the root of their misery. Statements like you wasted my life, I do not love you anymore or I will never get back with you can make it seem like nothing and I truly mean nothing can sway their conviction. If you think this way, you are absolutely correct. It is because only they can change their own minds. This shift in perspective has to come from within them. From my experience, any effort to convince them that they've erred or to deny their assertions only backfires, only reinforces their belief in their decision. However, the moment you grant them space and embrace no contact, they are left to grapple with the ramifications of their choice. Soon they realize that the true source of their discontent lies within themselves. It wasn't about you. It was about their internal struggles. With time, they'll recognize that life isn't always sunshine and rainbows. If you truly shared a special bond, they will begin to question the correctness of their decision. So, whether you'll find yourself in one, several or even all of these situations, understand that no contact hasn't failed. This realization should allow you to excel and shift your attention to what's truly important your own well-being, okay, but what if no contact really failed? If you're still convinced that the no contact strategy failed, bear with me and understand that sometimes an ex might show signs of having moved on or even go to the extent of marrying some unfortunate soul. It is an insight into what might be happening and why. This doesn't signify the failure of no contact. When someone decides to part ways, they're mentally prepared themselves for the breakup. They develop logical justifications to validate their as I always point out purely emotional decision to end the relationship. In doing so, they may convince themselves that something or someone different will fulfill them. For example, if you were charismatic but overly engrossed in your career, they might believe that some sort of unattractive and unemployed individual is their ideal partner. If they felt you lacked charm, they might seek someone more beautiful than you Think, over the top classic adult movie star beautiful. Conversely, if they found you undeniably alluring, they might pivot to someone utterly mediocre. This is because they planted a landmine for themselves with the conviction that you were the source of their discontent, their unhappiness. Thinking this time will be different, given their preparation for the breakup, their commitment to this decision is resolute. Thus they see it true. Even when they begin to sense that this new partner or new experience isn't the antidote to their dissatisfaction with their life and that the unique bond you two shared isn't easily replicated, they stubbornly persist. This phenomenon resembles an investment trap. They've committed so deeply to their choice that they feel compelled to validate it both to themselves and to others, like family and friends. Hence, if you learn of your ex wedding someone seemingly mismatched, this is still a very typically their underlying reason. So take a breath, find solace and stay committed to no contact. Sometimes we need to be apart to understand just how much we truly love each other. Remember time is your most invaluable asset. Subscribe now to save yourself months, if not years, of precious time by establishing the fulfilling relationship you truly deserve and avoiding breakups altogether. Wishing you a wonderful day.

🚫 5 scenarios when people think no contact failed, but it didn't
🤔 Mistake 1: Misinterpreting Silence
⌛ Mistake 2: Doubting Due to Extended Silence
💔 Mistake 3: The "Broken Rule" Myth
🙏 Mistake 4: The Most Common Mistake of My Clients
🗣️ Mistake 5: Believing Declarations of Finality
📝 Summary of the mistakes most people make
❗️ What if No Contact REALLY failed?
💔🔄 The Dumper's Mindset: How Exactly They Choose a Rebound