Smith's Power Consulting

Why is No Contact Getting Harder Over Time?

August 07, 2023 Coach Smith Season 2 Episode 14
Smith's Power Consulting
Why is No Contact Getting Harder Over Time?
Show Notes Transcript Chapter Markers

In the real world, "no contact" is far from easy. They say, "just stop texting or calling," but how do you silence the heartache, longing, and a thousand memories that make the strongest among us stumble?

In this video, we dive deep into the intricacies of this intense emotional bond - the hormonal connection that creates a literal withdrawal in the absence of your ex. And when the temptation to reach out to them feels almost irresistible, what can you do?

The absence of your ex is deeply felt. Be it the lonely mornings or quiet nights, the yearning hits when you least expect. The dreams that once were yours and the future you envisaged together haunt you. And their transformation post-breakup, a stranger that seems to have forgotten the bond, leaves you grasping for closure.

Many find themselves stuck, unable to reconcile with the new reality and missing the strength and contentment of their past selves. You're here, they're gone, and the emotional aftermath is a storm few can weather.

So, why is no contact method so challenging, and how can you manage this pain?

Subscribe now to unlock powerful relationship and post-breakup recovery insights, and acquire valuable wisdom on the innovative, tactical approach to psychology that can benefit your personal growth and healing journey. To unlock the secrets to mend and reignite your relationship, get my "No Contact Guide" for FREE (valued at $30 in retail) and get answers to most of your questions about no contact:

Savva Smith:

Let's be honest. No contact might sound like a simple thing. They tell you hey, just stop texting and calling your partner, you'll be fine. But when it comes to reality, the pain and longing can be so intense that even the most proud and confident individuals falter, break and do things they could never imagine doing. I've seen it happen countless of times. There's nothing more potent post-breakup than the sudden desire to reach out to your ex. Usually, it strikes either in the morning, when you wake up and the post-dream state of forgetfulness abruptly shifts into the shocking reality of they left, or it can hit you in the evening, when you're completely alone. You miss the companionship, the shared moments and the understanding that you used to have. You miss the future that you two were building together, the dreams you two had. You might be holding onto the memory of who they used to be rather than acknowledging who they have become. The lack of closure might be tearing you apart, because when they leave, it's as if they're transformed into a different person, one who doesn't want to give you the real reason for the breakup, who doesn't want to elaborate. It's like the feelings never even existed. It's like you've been lied to. And if your identity became deeply tied to their relationship. You might find it hard to rediscover who you are as an individual, with thoughts of your ex constantly on your mind. But often what hurts the most is missing your former self, the person who was strong, confident, content and happy. It is so hard to resist all of this and, instead of starting another chase, to simply walk away. So why is it so difficult and how can you ease the pain? The truth is, chances are you were more emotionally invested in your relationship than your partner was. Relationships rarely occur on equal terms. They left in your hear and it sucks this emotional investment. This bond is a metaphorical or some mystical love notion. It's a literal hormonal connection. It's physical. The more emotionally invested you were and the less your partner was, the more painful this bond is. And since your partner is not close, what you experience can be described as basically hormonal withdrawal, withdrawal from your ex. Simply speaking, it is painful and unpredictable. It usually catches you off guard when you least expect it. Sometimes you may feel okay, but then one evening, or even morning, your whole body starts protesting and all your thoughts are consumed by your ex. It's like there's a demon inside you forcing you to send them another message. Just do it, swallow your pride and send them a message. Yes, we've already tried. It was embarrassing, yes, but this time they would respond. Maybe they will even agree to meet us, give in and text them, and if you've been through this, I feel you. It's nothing to be ashamed of. So the deep bond you shared is precisely what makes the pain so intense. To alleviate this pain, you need to severe this bond. This might sound scary, especially if you hope to rekindle the relationship, but the reality is, if you wish to reconnect, you will not be reigniting the old flame. Instead, you'll be sparking a new one. The fresh relationship will have its own dynamics, its own set of rules and conditions, its unique quality, and it will not materialize If the old bond lingers. This is why it is crucial to cut ties. If not, your no-contact will be excruciating. You'll constantly feel tempted to reach out to your ex, waste your precious time and hinder the chance of reunion. But how do you quickly get over this deep feeling, this bond? Well, since this bond resembles a literal addiction, it needs to be addressed as such. It is serious, and the quickest way to combat addiction is to replace it with a healthier alternative, and I do not mean establishing a new relationship, of course. The key is to be proactive in your healing rather than passive. While mindfulness, meditation and coaching offer benefits, they might not be enough on their own. It is crucial to engage your body. You have to show your body that you are alive and thriving. Dive into activities that command your full attention, are fun and release the feel-good dopamine hormone. By filling the emotional void with fresh, vibrant experiences, you remind your inner self, especially the limbic system, that you are still alive, your life moves forward and there is so much to enjoy beyond the past. I get it. In the wake of a breakup, even getting out of bed feels like climbing Everest, but the effort, however minimal, is required for healing. Trust me, you've got the strength and the resilience, especially if you really want to move on from the past. So what we are usually using in complex cases is either martial arts or motor biking. The beauty of these options is the immediacy. You can usually book a lesson today or, at latest, tomorrow. As practice has shown, by combating this post-breakup addiction to your past, your no-contact will become a smooth transition toward a stronger, more resilent, more happy you, and if that's what you desire, it will pave the way for a blissful reunion. You've got this. That's it for today. Subscribe, so you don't miss out on insights into rapid post-breakup recovery methods and tips for building long-lasting connections with others. It is time to become stronger.

This is why this episode is important
💔 THIS is the most difficult thing during no contact
❗ This is why no contact is getting HARDER
✂️ #1 thing to FOCUS on during no contact to EASE the PAIN
🥋 This is how you quickly alleviate the post-breakup anxiety