Have you ever felt like you're pouring your heart and soul into a relationship, only to be met with emotional detachment from your partner? That's exactly what Alex thinks he went through for four years. As we unravel his narrative, we aim to shed light on the phenomenon of emotional detachment. There's a lot to unpack here. I haven't read this story ahead of time, and will be discovering the narrative alongside you, my listeners. Can you anticipate the outcome of this intriguing tale? Will it be a story of love lost or simply a bump in the road of romance?
As we traverse this narrative, I'll be sharing vital strategies to navigate the complex terrain of relationships - techniques I trust you'll find invaluable in your own love journey. Will this story have a happy ending? Only one way to find out - let's dive in!
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Greetings and welcome. We will be analyzing a real life relationship story that my assistant has found in my inbox, with the express consent of the person involved. The intrigue here is I haven't seen the entire story yet, as it will be revealed to me piece by piece. Let's see if I can guess the ending right. Maybe you can guess it too. Additionally, we will discuss strategies to straighten the relationship described in the story, and I am sure you will find these techniques truly valuable. Let's begin. Hi, my name is Alex and I want to tell you about my 4-year relationship with an emotionally detached woman. Okay so, emotional detachment, also known as emotional blunting, refers to a state where a person lacks emotional connection to others. This may occur due to circumstances or as a coping mechanism to manage anxiety. However, emotional detachment is not recognized as a distinct disorder. Instead, it is usually considered a component of a broader medical condition. So, according to my experience, in most of the cases, the individuals in question do not actually exhibit emotional detachment. Sometimes it might be true, but often, when we delve deeper into their situation and hear their side of the story, we find they are fully capable of forming deep connections. It's just that they are not attracted enough to the person who thinks they are detached And that's it. They simply aren't interested enough. This is important because when you focus on this particular aspect how can I increase the level of attraction between me and my partner? Your brain starts working on finding actual solutions. Let's reveal the next part. I deeply love her. Every moment I share with her feels like the best moment of my life. I cannot imagine my life without her. Okay, this is a breakup story. Of course, given that this is a coaching channel and we typically discuss breakups, it's not a surprise. However, i haven't read the entire story yet. I've requested stories and questions about problematic relationships in general, not just breakups. Still, based on experience, there's 95% that this is a breakup situation. The moment you declare that you cannot leave without your relationship, that the relationship is everything to you, you completely lose sight of yourself. Sometimes people describe it as if they're feeling the void inside them. Roughly speaking, only about 3-4% of people can appreciate such level of dedication, but usually it's more of a dependency than dedication. This leads to significant imbalance in the relationship, making you more and more invested, more dependent and less attractive. This dynamic is especially dangerous for men, like if you're a man and you find yourself thinking that you will not survive without this relationship. The breakup you'll happen. The question is when. But let's move on to the next part of the story. I'm not the controlling type. Our relationship is based on freedom and I strive to do everything possible to make you happy. I do not mind her going out with friends. We travel frequently. I usually work in her exploration places. Although she has never provided the emotional warmth I crave, i've always been content with offering her the love and warmth she deserves. Even in this description, the disbalance is obvious. So the person describes it in present tense, but I still believe this is a breakup story. Unfortunately, it's likely the breakup had already happened. But the problem is, if you are so emotionally invested, in reality your relationship doesn't exist, but your mind still thinks that you are together, that your partner is yours, and this mentality is exactly what stops you from effective relationship recovery actions. By the way, what do you think? Is it a breakup story? I think we'll soon find out. A few weeks ago, she returned from a trip to Spain. I noticed a slight change in her demeanor. She seemed distant. Initially I thought it was just regular mood swings or fatigue from the journey. When I asked her about it, she assured me that she was just tired from the flight. However, her distance increased over the next few days. I tried discussing this with her multiple times, but she eventually asked me to stop, which caused me anxiety. You see, when you're that invested, any change, any subtle change in their attitude will cause your anxiety to skyrocket. Anxiety in jealousy will be your closest companions and anxiety forces you to do things you not normally do, and these things are usually just put even more distance between you. You will be making a step towards your partner and they will be making two steps back. The following day, she expressed her need for space to contemplate our future. She didn't answer my questions and requested a two-week break. I fear something bad has happened. Well, something indeed happened, and it likely happened during the trip. It happened because of the existing imbalance in the relationship. The man in this story is in an extremely weak and dependent position. When you're in such a position, we call it a one-down position. It only takes a trigger for a breakup to occur. It's not necessarily that the woman had an affair in Spain With such an imbalance in the relationship. It could have been a mere compliment from a charming guy And that's all. Even such a minor event can trigger a decision that was made previously, when the imbalance had become significant enough. So usually they prepare for the breakup. The breakup happens in their mind many times And they need a trigger. Also, this pause is obviously not a pause. This is a breakup. She just tries to soften it up. But let's complete the story. It's been three weeks now and despite my numerous attempts to reach her, she hasn't responded. I'm struggling to understand the root of this issue, as I don't believe I've done anything wrong. Would something have happened with your family? I would appreciate any advice you can offer. What can I say? Well, i do not think it's a family matter. If that was the case, she would have discussed it with you, that's for sure. Right now we have to stop any initiative from our side. We'll be starting no contact. She will likely ignore all your calls and messages. If you continue, she'll simply block you. If you manage to stay no contact for at least, i'd say, a month and maybe a half, she will likely start reaching out to you. I doubt it will happen sooner And this will not be a serious contact. It would be just a ping to test that you're waiting for her When you're that over-invested and they leave. They know that even after a month or two, you'll still be interested in them, but they might experience an occasional desire to check on you. Are you really still waiting? Are you available? How are you? And you do not want to be treated as a backup option. You're not going to be their backup plan. You are Plan A And they fail to see it. I think she will surely contact you And it will likely be some nonsense like how are you doing? So? we wait for her to make contact And then, based on what she says, we can reassess the situation and plan the next step. Until then, any action will be counterproductive. Any initiative from our side will push her further away. It will contribute to the imbalance. Meanwhile, you've got to work towards shifting your emotional focus away from this situation, and this will be critical. I know this might sound scary to a person who's that invested. This overinvestment is anti-attraction And the imbalance has to be addressed. And unfortunately, the story doesn't contain any hints to why exactly you got yourself into such a state. Maybe your every relationship was like that, maybe it's the first one. We need more details, but for now. No contact will be enough to start addressing this imbalance, and I think that's it. If you're curious to learn how you can interpret your own story, uncover the genuine causes of a breakup and set out on a swift journey towards healing, let me know. Click that subscribe button and embark on your journey to become stronger, starting today.