Smith's Power Consulting

The No Contact Myth That Everyone Falls For

June 14, 2023 Coach Smith Season 2 Episode 11
Smith's Power Consulting
The No Contact Myth That Everyone Falls For
Show Notes Transcript Chapter Markers

Have you ever wondered how the psychology of "no contact" can empower you in various situations, not just after a breakup? Join me as I reveal the hidden power dynamics that often exist between partners and how going no contact can significantly improve your dating experiences.

In this conversation, I share actionable tips on how to be proactive when faced with the potential of a breakup and the two essential elements needed to make no contact successful. Learn how to assert boundaries and uphold them, even when faced with an imbalance in the relationship, and how to recover from a breakup quickly and become stronger. Don't miss this transformative episode that delves deep into the hidden psychology of no contact and its incredible potential to change the way you approach relationships.

Subscribe now to unlock powerful relationship and post-breakup recovery insights, and acquire valuable wisdom on the innovative, tactical approach to psychology that can benefit your personal growth and healing journey. To unlock the secrets to mend and reignite your relationship, get my "No Contact Guide" for FREE (valued at $30 in retail) and get answers to most of your questions about no contact:

Savva Smith:

Today you'll learn something advanced yet so simple that it will change your understanding of no contact. Most people think no contact is some set of rules or tactics that can only be applied in a very narrow spectrum post-breakup. But in fact, when you understand the hidden psychology behind no contact, you'll realize that it can be applied to many more situations and, when applied efficiently, it can significantly improve your dating experience and free you from stress faster. Let me explain by examining the dynamics that most people tend to overlook between partners before a break. Typically, one of their partners holds significant power over the fate of their relationship. Only they can decide whether the relationship continues or ends. Though they frequently contemplate this, they do not really experience much stress. We refer to this partner as the one-up because their position in the relationship is very strong, excessively so. In contrast, the other partner feels anxious and uncertain about their future. This uncertainty drives them crazy. They do not have control over the relationship's future and find themselves constantly fighting for the one-up's attention in an effort to save the relationship. However, in the end, they can only accept the one-up's decision. We refer to this role in the relationship as the one-down. No matter what the one-down does, no matter how charming they try to become or how many gifts or gestures they make, the one-up doesn't care. The one-up simply doesn't understand the language that the one-down is using. Because of the ultimate imbalance between them, the one-up holds 100% of the power in such a relationship and the one-down holds zero. The perceived value or worth of the one-down in the eyes of the one-up stays near zero as well, until the one-down decides to finally take the breakup and their well-being seriously, stops chasing and goes no contact. So what happens when you go no contact and sees all communication is that your zero starts slowly recovering. Gradually the balance is restored. You should know that day by day it recovers. This is an inevitable process when what you have and what you offer is given in abundance but not appreciated. This is the most sane and self-respectful action you can make. Remove the supply, cut it off. When you give what you have again and again and it is not appreciated, and if they ask you to stop and you continue, the value of what you give in the eyes diminishes. But when you stop it starts to recover And after some time, if you're consistent, you will notice that actually you feel a lot better. The future doesn't seem as uncertain anymore. You feel like your nerves are calming down, your sleep improves, there's no anxiety, and then when you check your phone, you see a message from your ex. And since in most cases you're recovering from zero, from rock bottom, it might take quite a while. Do not be surprised if it takes more than several months. It is completely normal. You've got this. But have you considered that? What if you could start your no-contact journey, not from ground zero, but let's say when your position in relationship is 10, 20 or even 30%? Of course, this is a very relative and simplified concept. This number just to help you grasp the basic psychology. It's just a way to make it easier to understand. But imagine if you're starting from 20%. Then the period of your recovery could be significantly shortened. According to my experience, it is usually not more than a month and a half. Sometimes even a month or less is enough. So how can you achieve such an outstanding result If you're just starting to grasp this concept or it is your first serious relationship, especially when this imbalance is little? it is an early stage, it's not easy, but in this video I'll give you a simple and effective way for cases when this disbalance is already significant. Focus on two important indicators. Number one a conflict where you were in the right but still apologized. Number two if you initiate a conversation about something their behavior, for example you're not comfortable with And they ignore it, especially if it's about some serious matters, such as them receiving a message from their ex or you suspecting the possibility of infidelity. In both of these cases, your position in a relationship weakened significantly. You lose ground, they gain it. This may sound as if a battle is taking place, and in a sense it is. You just weren't aware of it. In general, if you can pinpoint the moments when you are overinvesting, while they withdrew emotionally, when they push your boundaries, when you see that consistently, you put in more effort, more and more, while they start pulling away, you can find the moments when the imbalance grows. And if this imbalance is not addressed, chances are the one up will start considering a breakup. At this point, their decision cannot be changed by words and logic. By being aware of it, you'll actually be able to go no contact proactively. So how can you exactly do it? You only need two essential elements. First, trust in yourself, especially in your intuition, which never deceives you. Second, embrace courage to overcome challenges and take bold actions. You see, in most cases, when people sense that something is going the wrong way, where God instincts tell them that their partner is already hiding or planning something, but they are hesitant to act. Indeed, it's scary to contemplate doing anything other than trying to regain their partner's affection. So they wait, and then, when the imbalance becomes significant, their partner the one up leaves And they find themselves starting from the bottom. Their sense of self-worth, self-esteem diminishes. The recovery process can drag on for months and, in complicated cases, even years. But you will not fall into this trap. You will trust in yourself, you will value yourself, you will value your time And, ultimately, you'll spare yourself heaps of heartache And no contact will be significantly shorter. So, during another interaction with your partner, if they disregard you again, if you realize that your actions and words only drive them further away and you sense the relationship is headed downhill and there on the verge of calling it quits, that's when you muster your courage to say something. Like you know, i've given this a lot of thought And I cannot find a reason for us to continue our story. I do not see a future with someone who will not do A, b or C, so I do not see why we should continue this. And that's it. You assert your boundaries and you uphold them, and the only way to ensure that these boundaries are respected when the imbalance is high is by action, initiating drastic measures such as no contact. The moment you sense someone trying to undermine your worth repeatedly, you can deploy this self-defense tactic, tackle the imbalance and begin the recovery earlier. As experience shows, one app usually tries to put in effort to bridge the gap. Now, for real, because we see that behind your words are actions, you'll witness the swiftest no contact possible. A record breaker, i wish you to become stronger today.

🧠 The HIDDEN psychology behind no contact
💔 The concept of “One-Up” and “One-Down” in relationships
📈How to RESTORE balance and self-worth
⏳ How to SHORTEN the RECOVERY period
🎯 How to detect shifts in the BALANCE of your relationship
💪 How to initiate no contact PREEMPTIVELY (only for the brave)
💬 The EXACT words you can use to initiate your no contact preemptively. Subscribe.